I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
