He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You were trust falling into bushes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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