This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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