Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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