dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
