New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
