Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
