There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
