just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
