Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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