So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
