i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
