I CAN MOONWALK!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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