sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
