Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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