true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
