"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
