Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
