From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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