oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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