I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
