just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
