I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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