thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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