So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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