This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
