So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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