I think I died a long time ago.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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