Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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