im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
