Your dad touched me again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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