Banned from zoo.
Again?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
