Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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