Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
