he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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