You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
