I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
one might say we're banned from that church
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
