Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
