alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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