The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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