GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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