I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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