Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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