I heard we made out
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
