The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
