At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
