Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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