I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
