just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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