So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
