i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
