He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
